Notes from me to you

hold on to your chairs, friends... i finally did it. one day, after a hard week and with reason to treat myself, i walked myself down to the (in my opinion) scariest street in downtown,
coincidentally named Baltimore St., found the little tiny awning for the tattoo shop (between strips clubs and x-rated toy stores), as every person i passed stared at me (don't worry, i had my "tough girl" face on), walked up the stairs to the small, but clean, old-looking tattoo shop, and signed up for my long-awaited nose-piercing.

My heart was racing.. the big, ol' lady workin' the desk wasn't exactly friendly or informative and to tell you the truth, I wasn't really sure what i was getting myself into. Thank goodness the only people there with me were women who were waiting to get tattoos. Unfortunately, they were watching court tv. After only a few minutes of waiting, some scary-looking, crazy-talking dude came in and began a conversation with the lady next to me. I did not once make eye-contact with him as he wandered around the shop, rambling on about how he likes pain, and how he gave himself a tattoo in prison and wanted to get it fixed here and how he was saving his money and coming back next week. In my mind, I found myself jumping up, running out the door and down the street as fast as I could. But, in reality, I sat there, inconspicuously deep breathing in an attempt to bring my heart rate down, and reassuring myself that this was ok. And.. as it turns out.. it was ok! :) In fact, it was great. The guy who pierced me was awesome.. very chill dude who actually carried a great conversation and joked around with me. Anyway...



I really like it! Most people are confused when they see it, because they think i've had it.. I guess that means its not too dramatic or drastic-looking. Don't worry, though, family, I've not gone mad, or rebellious, or lost my mind, its just something i've really wanted to do and wasn't sure i'd ever be brave enough to do it or how it would look, etc! And now its done. Its a funny thing, really, but it was sort of freeing, given a recent situation in which I wasn't allowing myself to be me in order to please someone else which ended up not pleasing anyone.. this will be my little reminder to always be me.. :)

And.. a little more fun news.. I went on a date last night with a guy I met out in federal hill recently.. cute, scruffy guy- really sweet. He lives south of the city so we met in the burbs and went to see a movie. He just turned 24.. i have no idea if i have any business dating this boy, but last night was refreshingly fun and seemingly just what the doctor ordered ;) We had some drinks afterwards and a fantastic conversation!

I guess it i started out like any first-date, post-movie chat, but within 2 hours we covered a gamut of topics while talking.. he was very open and honest in a subtle-kind-of fun way. just different than the usual date.. but genuine. it was a nice night.

(ahhhh...dating..)

Afterwards, I stopped at a gas station to get a Fresca to keep me awake on the ride back to the city. I happened to stop at the gas station with the friendliest attendants ever. One was an older middle-aged man with tatts all over and the other was a young girl.. thin, she didn't appear to be very well-nourished. Anyway, these two must have been very bored as I ended up in that gas station for 20 minutes talking to them. The guy asked for my ID for using my credit card and proceeded to tell me all about why i should never sign the back of my card (Wal-Mart doesn't even check the back of your card!! ;)). The Iowa drivers license always brings up a new conversation and last night was no different.

They asked about my life and I shared. Then the girl started talking about how she wanted to be a nurse but has had to get "stuck" (by needles) so many times that she just didn't think she could do it.. then she started telling me about her life. She was completely "normal" until her boyfriend in high school did some crazy stunt in the car and rammed them into a tree... she was ok, for the most part, but started having seizures and has had them ever since. Upon asking her questions, i learned that she was supposed to see an MD yearly and have check up MRI's and EEG's but she hasn't been in 10 years because she doesn't have insurance. She used to receive state funding but now the money she makes at the gas-station disqualifies her, but to pay for insurance from the gas station would cost her $400/mo. So she goes without...................... :( :( :( I told her she should think about getting into the health field, as a nursing assistant or tech b/c they have great insurance and it sounded like she was interested in the health field.

She told me that when she had her first baby and the car accident, she dropped out of school but was now in classes to get her diploma and that a friend of hers had a connection with the police department where she could work as a dispatcher. She was very excited about that opportunity. She'd always wanted to be a fire-fighter just like her dad, grandpa, uncles and cousins, but she had a few seizures and they had to tell her she couldn't stay.

This girl.... despite her, what seemed to me to be, despondent circumstances, spoke of everything with a sweet, almost innocent smile on her face. Proud of her babies, proud that she was finishing school and very excited to be a dispatcher.

Today I heard on the news that a man drowned his three children in the bathtub at a hotel. drowned.. babies. what a horrible, horrible experience for a child.. disgustingly cruel... heart breaking. All of this, along with the tragically sad movie I'd just seen, "Stop-Loss" about the way our government is keeping soldiers in Iraq essentially against their will.. helped kick my perspective back into place. Suddenly, the "trauma" of a lame-o quasi-break up with a boy (who actually wasn't even all that nice to me, even though he was in general, a nice guy), seems oh-so-miniscule and unimportant in comparison to what some people are actually going through. Not to say the very sweet and fun date didn't help, it did, but sometimes we (as in I..) lose sight of what really matters in life, of what real tragedy looks like.. and how real people are suffering every day.. I know that soon I will again get caught up in my own heartache, which is ok, to an extent, but I hope that my eyes and heart will continue to be opened to the real hurt and suffering that others are enduring and help to re-focus on how we can make this a better world for all people.

the end... what a weird blog.

i love you all

laura