The Mangan Grandkids (sans Dave)
I will forever consider myself blessed to have such a wonderful and numerous extended family, all from the same, sweet little Iowan town. I love that almost every one of my 30 aunts and uncles graduated from the same high school and thus, know each other. I love that even some of the teachers I had in high school knew my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, and cousins. Sometimes, they accidentally called me by my mom's name. :) And the fact that this huge, fantastic family I am blessed to call mine, came from four people, two marriages.. in one town... makes me smile.
Going home and getting to be with family is a special gift of time.. this weekend, I got to be with my dad's side of the family.. 
Dad and his sibs
Even though you don't ever really want to go home for a funeral.. because obviously, it means you've lost someone you love, there really is (or can be) something uniquely comforting about being with the family at such a time. Perhaps its because almost everyone is there. Suddenly jobs, in-laws, events, etc have dropped on the priority list and nothing other than geography and perhaps a much too expensive plane ticket can prevent the family from coming home.
There's also something very encouraging about watching a family like this function together throughout such a hard time. I watched them as they greeted one another, gathered together, supported each other, made decisions (or tried;), made meals, served each other, loved each other (each in their own unique ways), laughed, prayed, cried, told stories, talked about the future, etc. And I just couldn't help but continue to feel more and more blessed to be a part of this family. In fact the more I witness their kind, gentle, humble ways of reacting, dealing, and coping, I found myself longing to be more like them and just wanting to be with them. 
i was also able to spend some great quality time with my immediate fam.... also for which i'm incredibly thankful.
One thing we were all thankful for, was the way Grandma passed away. It wasn't totally unexpected as her health had been teetering in the last few years, but she always seemed to bounce back in the spring, so I think we were all kind of hoping for that same come-back. She had been sitting in her chair "up north" as they liked to say, she'd been reaching out and saying her mother's name (isn't it crazy, that even at 86 years old, you still call out for your mother, your need for a mother never dies), she got up to go to the bathroom and called out for my uncle, "Tom! where are you?" "Right here, Mother," he said as he held his arms out and she fell back in them. Tom called out for his sister, Grandma's oldest daughter, Mary, who called an ambulance and then kneeled down next to Grandma, wrapped her arms around her and told her how much everyone loved her. What a beautiful, peaceful way to go.. isn't that what we all wish for our loved ones? wow...
And even though she'd already left earth.. I like to think her funeral was a beautiful sending-off celebration of her amazing life and contribution to the world. though I'm so glad the family had been celebrating her birthdays for the last decade that she was still alive.
I love these pictures.. the big family pictures.. and seeing what Grandma and Grandpa created.. and I can't help but wonder about all the millions of ways each of them, their children, grand-children and great-grandchildren have effected lives.. essentially, all of the ways Grandpa and Grandma's marriage has changed the world.. 
The Grandkids, their spouses and children, missing 12 people
It was good to go home... and though the reason for gathering was somber, there were so many blessings of the time spent with family. It was great to see some of my mom's family as they, too, are an amazing family and part of what makes home, home. I hope and pray that there will continue to be gatherings for this family. Its sad knowing grandma will no longer be in her chair, up north, (conserving more than she uses).. its sad to think how long it will be until we get to be in the presence of this amazing woman again, to hear her stories, to watch her live, but mostly, I'm sad for my father and his siblins.. who lost their mother, but the comfort comes in knowing that the joy of her life and spirit, her humble nature and inspirational way of living life, will forever carry on through the legacy of her family..
"If anyone had a straight ticket to heaven, its Mary Mangan." -Father Harness
Amen, Father!
Grandma M has left us for the heavens.. and though we're all sad to say goodbye and we'll miss her dearly, I think she's probably relieved to be done with the body that was failing her undying spirit. It sounds as though the her departure from Earth was quick and peaceful. She'd recently been able to see all 7 of her children, along with her sister.. and she passed away in the arms of her two eldest children in the home she's lived in for the last 30 years.
So, Grandma Mary.. here's to you! To your gentle and loving soul, to your saint-like, beautiful faith in the Lord. To your dedication and love for Mary; to your seemingly-innocent-but-all-knowing smile! Here's to your clever wit and fantastic sense of humor, your hard-working nature and sincere humility. Here's to your perseverance, your dedication to your father, ten brothers and your little sister. Your commitment to Grandpa and your family.. Here's to that wonderful family the two of you created.. a family that (along with my mom's), means the absolute world to me, and and has given me (and your 20-some other grandchildren) a beautiful sense of identity. Thank you for your constant intercession, your generous spirit, and unconditional love. You will be missed.. we'll "slop" a few in your honor .
Good-bye, Grandma!
All my love, admiration, and gratitude..
Lori
hold on to your chairs, friends... i finally did it. one day, after a hard week and with reason to treat myself, i walked myself down to the (in my opinion) scariest street in downtown,
coincidentally named Baltimore St., found the little tiny awning for the tattoo shop (between strips clubs and x-rated toy stores), as every person i passed stared at me (don't worry, i had my "tough girl" face on), walked up the stairs to the small, but clean, old-looking tattoo shop, and signed up for my long-awaited nose-piercing.
My heart was racing.. the big, ol' lady workin' the desk wasn't exactly friendly or informative and to tell you the truth, I wasn't really sure what i was getting myself into. Thank goodness the only people there with me were women who were waiting to get tattoos. Unfortunately, they were watching court tv. After only a few minutes of waiting, some scary-looking, crazy-talking dude came in and began a conversation with the lady next to me. I did not once make eye-contact with him as he wandered around the shop, rambling on about how he likes pain, and how he gave himself a tattoo in prison and wanted to get it fixed here and how he was saving his money and coming back next week. In my mind, I found myself jumping up, running out the door and down the street as fast as I could. But, in reality, I sat there, inconspicuously deep breathing in an attempt to bring my heart rate down, and reassuring myself that this was ok. And.. as it turns out.. it was ok! :) In fact, it was great. The guy who pierced me was awesome.. very chill dude who actually carried a great conversation and joked around with me. Anyway... 
I really like it! Most people are confused when they see it, because they think i've had it.. I guess that means its not too dramatic or drastic-looking. Don't worry, though, family, I've not gone mad, or rebellious, or lost my mind, its just something i've really wanted to do and wasn't sure i'd ever be brave enough to do it or how it would look, etc! And now its done. Its a funny thing, really, but it was sort of freeing, given a recent situation in which I wasn't allowing myself to be me in order to please someone else which ended up not pleasing anyone.. this will be my little reminder to always be me.. :)
And.. a little more fun news.. I went on a date last night with a guy I met out in federal hill recently.. cute, scruffy guy- really sweet. He lives south of the city so we met in the burbs and went to see a movie. He just turned 24.. i have no idea if i have any business dating this boy, but last night was refreshingly fun and seemingly just what the doctor ordered ;) We had some drinks afterwards and a fantastic conversation!
I guess it i started out like any first-date, post-movie chat, but within 2 hours we covered a gamut of topics while talking.. he was very open and honest in a subtle-kind-of fun way. just different than the usual date.. but genuine. it was a nice night.
(ahhhh...dating..)
Afterwards, I stopped at a gas station to get a Fresca to keep me awake on the ride back to the city. I happened to stop at the gas station with the friendliest attendants ever. One was an older middle-aged man with tatts all over and the other was a young girl.. thin, she didn't appear to be very well-nourished. Anyway, these two must have been very bored as I ended up in that gas station for 20 minutes talking to them. The guy asked for my ID for using my credit card and proceeded to tell me all about why i should never sign the back of my card (Wal-Mart doesn't even check the back of your card!! ;)). The Iowa drivers license always brings up a new conversation and last night was no different.
They asked about my life and I shared. Then the girl started talking about how she wanted to be a nurse but has had to get "stuck" (by needles) so many times that she just didn't think she could do it.. then she started telling me about her life. She was completely "normal" until her boyfriend in high school did some crazy stunt in the car and rammed them into a tree... she was ok, for the most part, but started having seizures and has had them ever since. Upon asking her questions, i learned that she was supposed to see an MD yearly and have check up MRI's and EEG's but she hasn't been in 10 years because she doesn't have insurance. She used to receive state funding but now the money she makes at the gas-station disqualifies her, but to pay for insurance from the gas station would cost her $400/mo. So she goes without...................... :( :( :( I told her she should think about getting into the health field, as a nursing assistant or tech b/c they have great insurance and it sounded like she was interested in the health field.
She told me that when she had her first baby and the car accident, she dropped out of school but was now in classes to get her diploma and that a friend of hers had a connection with the police department where she could work as a dispatcher. She was very excited about that opportunity. She'd always wanted to be a fire-fighter just like her dad, grandpa, uncles and cousins, but she had a few seizures and they had to tell her she couldn't stay.
This girl.... despite her, what seemed to me to be, despondent circumstances, spoke of everything with a sweet, almost innocent smile on her face. Proud of her babies, proud that she was finishing school and very excited to be a dispatcher.
Today I heard on the news that a man drowned his three children in the bathtub at a hotel. drowned.. babies. what a horrible, horrible experience for a child.. disgustingly cruel... heart breaking. All of this, along with the tragically sad movie I'd just seen, "Stop-Loss" about the way our government is keeping soldiers in Iraq essentially against their will.. helped kick my perspective back into place. Suddenly, the "trauma" of a lame-o quasi-break up with a boy (who actually wasn't even all that nice to me, even though he was in general, a nice guy), seems oh-so-miniscule and unimportant in comparison to what some people are actually going through. Not to say the very sweet and fun date didn't help, it did, but sometimes we (as in I..) lose sight of what really matters in life, of what real tragedy looks like.. and how real people are suffering every day.. I know that soon I will again get caught up in my own heartache, which is ok, to an extent, but I hope that my eyes and heart will continue to be opened to the real hurt and suffering that others are enduring and help to re-focus on how we can make this a better world for all people.
the end... what a weird blog.
i love you all
laura