A few Sunday mornings ago, I was strolling down the street in a state of perma-grin due to my fairly recent arrival to this lovely city of San Francisco, when I noticed something odd ahead. It was a young guy, throwing what appeared to be a pebble at a window- over and over again. I thought it was kind of cute but felt as though the moment should have been his own- in other words, I felt embarrassed for him, assuming it was some sort of desperate act of humility.
For the next 1/2 block I averted my eyes, looking up at the buildings, trees, etc.. so as to pretend I didn't notice what was happening. But eventually, I had to cross his path and could no longer pretend I didn't see his determined attempt to reach whomever was on the other side of that window. So I moved forward with my head lowered, noted that it was actually Chapstick he'd been tossing at the window, looked up at him out of the corner of my eye with a "heh.. kind of awkward, but I'm not judging" grin on my face. And with a lovely combination of 95% confidence and 5% humility, he grinned back and said, "Yup. This is my life" and continued pelting the window.
I "Ha!" -ed out loud, replied "Awesome," as I continued on my way to the grocery store.
As someone who has started over adult life in a new place 1, 2, 3, 4, ..... 9. yes, 9 times in the last 4 years, I can appreciate that sentiment. More than appreciate, It seems I've embraced it, latched on to it and am now running with it as a sort of life motto. Life is full of these awkward, humbling moments, but without them, successes and ease couldn't be fully appreciated. I couldn't even count the number mistakes, wrong turns, or bad decisions I've made in my attempt of understanding this life and how I belong in it, but one thing I've come to realize and accept, is that with every new situation there is always a learning curve.
This moment of clarity came to me after a long bike ride home from the hospital one night when I got lost on the huge and horribly-signed campus of Stanford. I was going in circles, the basket was flying off my bike, and I nearly fell over- several times. I was on the verge of some serious tears (a few may have even slipped out), but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I could be facing much bigger issues in life and that I needed to buck up- cause that's what grown ups do, right? :) And this is what happens when you start over all of the time, you make wrong turns!
Had I stayed in the beautiful Twin Cities, I think I'd have things pretty well-figured out by now... I felt like a quasi expert after having been there 8 years. I knew the fastest way to work, the hospital, it's policies and procedures, the unit, the drug regimens, the quirks, the things you just know after being in one place for a while. But I didn't stay, I followed my heart to California and Life took me for a wild ride to some fabulous adventures.
So thank you to my "friend" and his Chapstick, now when I get lost on my bike (which delays, even longer, sleeping after a night shift) because I thought I knew a faster way to get home, or when I screw up, forget something, or when, in my post-night-shift delirium I'm trying to cross the bay-to-breakers craziness and am nearly clobbered by a nudist running the streets of San Francisco, I can't help but laugh to myself and think, "Yup.. whatever this means, wherever it's taking me, 'this is my life' and I ... love it."
**disclaimer: Bay-to-Breakers 12K run through the city which is wildly popular for costumes, parties, and yes, the more than occasional nudist. It is, after all, San Francisco.
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